Monday, December 29, 2008

Who Would You Call?

Warning: this could did get long!!

On Monday, December 22, 2008, my dear friend & fellow quote lover, Carolynn, posted a quote in her blog that hit me HARD! That quote: "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"

Since early September, my dad & step-mom are not talking to one of my brothers and I because we would not give them a substantial amount of money to bring their mortgage current so they could avoid going into foreclosure.

Some of you know how my dad & step-mom have struggled financially since my dad had a heart attack in July 2007. He applied for and was approved to receive Social Security. There was a short period where they had no income because SS had not kicked in yet & his pay from his employer had run out. My brothers & I loaned them some money until they could sell the second car they no longer needed. The car sold quickly, and we were paid back.

My step-mom does not work either and hasn't since before dad's heart attack. Obviously, the SSI is significantly less income than they were earning prior to the heart attack, but they still have done nothing to change their lifestyle. They have cable with premium channels, high speed internet, two cell phones, a land line, etc. He purchases pay-per-view movies. They go out to lunch and/or dinner as much as, if not more than, they did before. She shops like they don't have any bills & their income is what it was if not more than before. So, basically, they do nothing to help themselves.

It broke my heart to say no to my dad, but I knew I had to! Giving them the money would have only made a bad situation worse. (They did end up getting money from my uncle, but it turned out they did not need as much as he was saying.)

I have called him numerous times (two since reading the quote) and left messages. He will not return my calls. I know in my heart I did the right thing by telling them no, but it still breaks my heart to be on my dad's "list". He comes from a family with a long history of holding grudges. I would have thought that losing parents & your oldest brother while they are on "that list" would change break that cycle.

So, "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"


Anonymous said...

Oh dear! Clearly, you and your brother did the right thing. It's good of you to try and contact your dad and step-mom. I hope that eventually, they will contact you.

Lisa said...

You know what, you did the right thing. The ball is in their court. Its so hard when people hold grudges, and its really REALLy not healthy for your dad to do that with the heart and all.

Sorry you have to go through this Penny. Who knows, you might get a call...Thinkin of ya!!

wierd+word verification=fuede
coastal nest

Penny said...

Thank you for your kind words ladies!

Jenny McB said...

My word verification is even weirder for this post: vents

Tough decision for you to make regarding the loan, but of course you know it was the smart thing to do. My middle son is going to be like that and it's only his senior year of High school. The worst part of loaning someone money is remaining quiet while nothing changes in their lifestyle. It's sad that they are holding a grudge.
My phone call would be to my parents to thank them for all that they have done and for making me work when I was younger. That responsibility has helped me as an adult.
Happy New Year!

carolynn said...

Pen, you have done what you can. In the end, we answer for OUR actions, not how people chose to react in turn.

It's sad to be put in this situation...but it's not your fault.


Diane said...

That quote really touched me as well. You did the right thing Penny, and that is all you can do. A specail friend told me to live my life as if I have no regrets. You made that call, now take one day at a time and things will work out.


Penny said...

Jenny...My half-brother (their son) is the same way. He definitely learned from watching mom & dad. Sweet phone call as well! Hope one day my daughter will feel the same way. :D

Carolynn & Diane...Thank you! I know I did the right thing, and have no guilt or regrets. Just makes me sad the way things turned out -- even though deep down I know it would end up this way.